


A thousand ways to say 'I love you'

by firecrackerx



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Drabble, F/F, Oneshot, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-24
Updated: 2014-10-24
Packaged: 2018-02-22 11:59:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2506994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firecrackerx/pseuds/firecrackerx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Perry didn't want to change; she just wanted LaFontaine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A thousand ways to say 'I love you'

Lola Perry didn't want to change; she just wanted LaFontaine. So once they started dating, she didn't see why anything else had to be different. 

Perry was not gay and people were so prone to exaggeration. She would rather keep their relationship between them, comfortably nested in their room, where everything was clean, neatly folded and warm. That's where her feelings belonged, not all over the place for people to dissect, tear apart and turn into things that were not right. No. Emotions were to be kept safe and close to the chest. 

LaFontaine understood. They also understood when Perry emptied the fridge and baked a storm for no apparent reason. And how the pens, bracelets and other little objects that happened to land on the nightstand were to be immediately rearranged by size. They listened to every schedule Perry made, even if they ended up forgetting half of it. They watched marathons of _House Hunters_ , baking shows and Jane Austen movies when Perry was upset and rarely fell asleep. 

LaFontaine knew her better than anyone and had wanted her like she was, a precious gift. They worked together like two halves of a whole. Outside, the perennially attached Floor Don and unofficial truth speaker; in their room, laughs, kisses and joined beds, sometimes interrupted by the already familiar bickering that usually faded away before the day was over. And every single day, Perry had tried to say 'I love you'. And every single day the words would twist into a knot in her throat and go back inside to burn in her chest, where they felt so true. 

They wouldn't leave her mouth. She had tried so many times she had lost count. She had tried telling them when they kissed before leaving the room in the morning, and in the night before going to sleep. She had tried leaving it written in a note and had ended with a post-it full of furious lines. She had tried saying it while they were half asleep watching old cartoons in LaFontaine's laptop, and while she looked how they got ready in front of the mirror, and with the lights off trying not to make too much noise, panting with her eyes closed and her face pressed against LaFontaine's shoulder.

Every single day, in her head, Perry apologized to LaFontaine and asked them to wait just another day, and to make the wait a little less severe, she found little ways to say 'I love you' without saying it. She embraced them from behind when LaFontaine was studying, head inclined over their biology books. She baked their favorite cookies. She fixed the little wounds and scratches after every accident LaFontaine had and sometimes she wouldn't even say 'I told you so'. She had ran her nails softly over their scalp as she helped them fix their hair one afternoon. When nobody was looking she took their hand and squeezed it briefly, lovingly, as they walked around campus. It never felt like it was quite enough. 

Tomorrow I'll let them know, she thought every day. Tomorrow, no excuses.

But tomorrow comes and Perry feels her words choke her again, maybe a little less than they did at first, but still going back inside her in the end. So she lets her hands speak for her heart again, and soon, very soon, she will get it out. Maybe tomorrow. But today she just steps closer and fixes the collar of LaFontaine's shirt, letting the warm tips of her fingers brush their neck briefly before sending them on their way to laboratory practice.

"Be careful."

"Always," says LaFontaine before leaving the room and heading for the stairs. And as they walked, they touched their collar for a moment, smiling. They keep changing, but LaFontaine is always able to recognize the ways in which Lola Perry says 'I love you'.

**Author's Note:**

> Someone is to blame for that _House Hunters_ mention and it is not me.


End file.
